I Trust You, Lord: By Cassy Tipper

Growing up, God was always somewhere in the background. Christmas, Easter, and a few youth group church nights. It was always sort of a ‘dragged to church’ energy, and I had a dad who’d roll his eyes at the mention of the Lord. I always knew something was there, but I never really knew the depth of His love, or what it meant to have God as a Father. My uncle is a pastor, and my cousins (who are still some of my closest friends) have followed Jesus their whole lives. Every time I was around them growing up, I felt so loved and accepted. What I did not know then was that God was trying to reach out to me through them.

When I became pregnant with my first daughter at 18 years old, just before graduating high school, it was a difficult time for me and for my parents to say the least. But I knew in my heart I was supposed to be her mother. I know now that was God speaking to me. This year, she graduated, and this milestone is one of the biggest blessings of my life. However, the years that followed her birth were extremely hard. I became a young single mom within the first year she was born, and with that came something I carried for over a decade – even after meeting and marrying my husband – and that was hyper independence. I didn’t ask for help, especially from a man.

Multiple negative experiences with men in my life, from childhood to early adulthood, had completely warped my view of what a man and a father really was. And because God ‘was a man’, I didn’t ask Him for help, or give him credit for anything good in my life. I prayed to ‘the universe’, I watched psychics and tarot card reader videos looking for answers. I was living entirely by the world’s definition of my worth – my career, my accomplishments, and how hard I could work… at everything in my life. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Last summer, my close friends Emily and Tori invited me to come to Kelowna Christian Centre for a service, as they’d been invited by a friend as well. The moment worship started, the three of us broke down in tears. I hadn’t felt anything like that in a very long time. I knew it was the Holy Spirit, and in that moment, I gave my life to Jesus. What I began to learn from reading the Bible, in service on Sundays, and in the Kelowna Christian Centre Foundations classes began to dismantle everything I thought I knew about God. He wasn’t the controlling, withholding authority figure I’d imagined. He is a Father. A loving, pursuing and patient Father who had been with me the entire time.

One of the biggest shifts I’ve had recently was when Pastor Bryan spoke about servanthood in class. He said that serving others in order to be recognized and ‘seen’ drains us – but serving out of love and obedience to the Father is what gives us life. That hit me right in the chest. I realized I had been doing everything I could for my family, while also working full-time in my business, and had been feeling resentful, exhausted, and depleted for years. I would say things like “I’m just a mom”, like it wasn’t enough. No matter how many incredible things I’d accomplish, I’d still feel like it wasn’t enough for me to feel worthy.

What I see now with clarity is that God has called me to this life of mine. He blessed me with my children and my husband on purpose, and raising our kids to know and love Him is the most important thing I will ever do. I’m no longer serving to be seen or feel worthy; I’m serving to become more like Him. I learn more each day that God sees all of me, and the way he sees me is more than enough. Matthew 20:26 Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.” After exhausting myself for years trying to create change and living in hyper independence, here is what I know now to be true. If you truly want to make an impact and be of real service to others, it starts with the Lord. The closer we draw to God, and the more we commit our hearts to Him, the better equipped we are to serve without becoming resentful and burnt out. Not through striving or hustle, just by living for Him and being closer with Him. The way I have felt myself change over the last year has been nothing short of miraculous. I would have never created this on my own. John 15:4 “Remain in me as I remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain in the vine; neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”

Since attending church regularly, many family and friends have begun to attend; my kids and my husband come as well. My daughter Grace and I decided it was time to be baptized, and with great joy, we did. People I know tell me that I move differently, speak differently, and that my energy has shifted. I know that is God working inside of me. I used to search for answers in astrology and self-help books because I was terrified of the unknown and had to feel in control. Now I can sit in uncertainty and tell Him with my whole heart, I trust you, Lord. Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to His purpose.” The Apostle Paul really means it when he says “all things” – God can use your mistakes, your failures, your successes, and even your pain for good. Maybe you see that “good” as making your life easier, or better. But Paul goes on to say that God predestined us to be conformed to the image of His son. God’s definition of “good” isn’t always comfort; it’s becoming more like Jesus.

Maybe the situation you’re walking through right now is meant to make you more like Him. What if the suffering you’re experiencing is meant to make you more compassionate? What if waiting for answers to a desperate prayer is meant to help you become more patient? And what if the grace you receive from God is meant to help you be gracious toward others? When you choose to be honest with God and bring that part of your life to Him, He can use even that and turn it for good. You just have to let Him.