I have learned recently that I have not treated myself very well. I have used a self-damaging combination of shame, blame, guilt, the perceived and spoken judgments of others, and other toxic behaviors and have worn myself down in my spiritual, physical, and mental health. I now have a personal responsibility to build myself back up in all of those areas. It is not an easy climb back up, and I’m still not there. One thing I have come away with is that not only will I stop hurting myself, I will not allow others to do it either. When I opened the book recently recommended to me and saw the words, “It’s great to have at least some part of your life where you feel like a hammer instead of a nail,” I knew this was a book that could speak to what I need right now. I am getting really tired of feeling beaten down and tearing myself down. I am not finding the energy for things I enjoy, and I’m just going through the motions of life. I have a fake face, facade of sorts, and a fake happy persona to get me through, but I’m not feeling or behaving in a way that reflects my genuine self. 

      I share my struggle because I’m not one of those Christians that is going to feel guilty about the way I feel. Just because I know the Lord, it does not exempt me from getting a cold, a chronic illness, or a change in my mental health. God blesses us, yes. But He also allows battles to fight and there is suffering in every person because we don’t live in a perfect world, regardless of being Christians or not.1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. God doesn’t love me any less or any more because I’m struggling with areas in my life. What I’ve come to learn is that I have things to learn, and I have a path to walk, and I may not always understand the things I come across on that path, but God is always with me and I’m willing to go on that walk with Him. Our life doesn’t have to make sense to everyone else. Sometimes it doesn’t even make sense to us. Psalm 61:2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. 

      We all have individual experiences, and we are certainly very different people. What works for one may not work for another, but thank God we have God, and many types of resources and helpers He provides for all kinds of personalities and people. Some of us need a gently delivered message, and some need a reality check, and what I needed was someone who could tell that I wasn’t honoring myself, and the last thing I need to hear was that my pain was all my fault. I was blaming myself for everything and wondering why I felt like I didn’t matter to anyone. When we are heard, we are better able to take any accountability that may be there, because we can objectively tell our story without any judgment. James 4:12 There is only one lawyer and judge, he who is able to save and destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

      We carry with us our own perceptions of things, others, and ourselves long before anyone says a word to us. We can only see things from the standpoint of our own biases, opinions, and experiences. That can be a problem when we see or hear something we can’t relate to. We see people struggling and acting in a way that is uncomfortable for us to handle, and instead of reaching out, we give judgment. I’ve received that judgment. I’ve been labeled and left out. It’s been decided who I am and why I do what I do without even a conversation with me. I can’t do anything about what other people think, nor do I always need to consider it. I’m grateful for the help I receive from people who SEE ME, and understand that there is more to me than just the surface. Most of us carry a lot more than what we show on the outside. It is good to consider everyone with this thought, and know that God sees and knows us completely, regardless of what people think they know and see. Compassion and understanding go a long way when truly giving our support to others, even when we don’t quite “get” what they’re going through just yet. Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 

      I’ve started using the practices in the book that was recommended to me called Just One Thing, by Rick Hanson. The book presents a practice in each chapter that enables me to choose a specific area I need to work on and then focus on putting the action into place. It is a very down-to-earth, yet profound book, I have discovered so far. As I read through the first chapter, “Be good to yourself,” I discovered that each chapter has a “How” section at the end. I have realized that this has always been my question with any advice ever given me. Great advice, I always think, but….how?? Great scripture, thanks. But…how?? Right now, I really need the “how.” I have found that when I have specific and practical things to do that bring a benefit, even a gradual one, I will see the outcome in that. Otherwise, I remain a bit lost, especially when I am struggling. 

Sometimes we go through what we go through, to help others go through what we went through. –Kathe Wunnenburg

      One practice in the “Be good to yourself” chapter is to ask myself, “Am I on my own side here?” when feeling frustrated, hurt, mistreated, stressed, or irritated, pushed to do something, or if I know there is something I need to do and I’m not doing it. When we are not on our own sides, we don’t honor our own feelings, goals, values, or rules, and we can get even more stressed and upset. Asking myself this question gives me the accountability for my own will and also helps me to set better boundaries. Looking out for my own best interests helps me to better look out for the interests of others too. I’m not looking to place blame on others, but to see where I have made concessions in order to please others or allow my boundaries to be blown up in favor of a conflict-free interaction. It reminds me of an old Journey song, “Be good to yourself when…nobody else will…” In this case, always be good to yourself. It’s not selfish, self-centered, arrogant, or any of those things someone tried to tell you. God created you. Be good to who God created. Respect yourself, love yourself, and good things will come from your God-given self. 

       I have entered into cognitive therapy in an effort to truly work on this God-given self. Often times when we get to the therapy room, it’s because all other efforts have felt or become futile or worn thin. For me, I just need some new tools and a new understanding of how my former coping strategies have not worked for me thus far. It’s important to understand that as Christians we can love and trust God, believe the Word of God, have strong faith, and still struggle with OURSELVES. I have no shame in that, nor would I judge anyone else for it. We are all trying to heal on many levels, whether it is from a medical or a mental health issue, and no one ever shames a person for a broken leg, do they? It’s okay to limp a little as we learn, but keep praying for God’s help and healing! I pray that if anyone reading this is struggling with their mental health that they do not feel alone! Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. It’s okay to reach out for help at any time. 

      One thing this book teaches is that when the brain stays in a negative state for too long, the neurons begin to change. So “as we think, we become”, is the pattern this book is based upon. This got me motivated, because I really don’t want my thoughts to continue to poison the actual neuroplasticity of my brain. Is this how older people become crochety? Yes! We are to renew our minds daily. Whatever it takes to get me back on a positive track is how I will turn this brain train around. Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. 

May God bless you, whatever journey you are on.